After a long and restless night being the victim of a racing mind I granted myself a reprieve by racing my car. Two hours later I was ripping through god knows where while my mind wandered the opposite direction the GPS instructed. I considered some the musings from my journal in my journal I discovered a great flaw in my love. I love a muse, her name is “Clio”. This discovery drew the fog away from my travels and it is possible that I left home for a long journey without my mule or lantern. The question came thus can you love a muse. Can you really love someone who inspires you or does your need take a new form. In the absence of your muse the withdrawal could be like the loss of a love. I am not completely sure but this is an important realization less about love and more about myself. What do I crave then connection or inspiration. When inspired and driven no one else matters in the world. This is why as much as I would love to have a dog I will probably never own one.


Now this next statement will seem like heracy to any animal lover but its just and animal and I will probably neglect it on one of my educated quests for whatever the spirit moved me to follow that week. In the end it will always be like I am 12 years old. This is easy since I only seem to be able to actively remember the last 7-10 years of my life. I want the dog but I probably will not take care of it. I guess the only benifit of maturity or growing old (you pick) is I can figure out what I am really going to do and react accordingly. So it is obvious form the derivation that I am more focused on the constant journey then the interim between legs. Its about personal growth sure being in love with someone can initiate personal growth. I am proof of that, when I meet my “Clio” things happened rapidly. Bought new clothes, actually paid for a haircut, (I was not as bad as it sounds), stopped suffering from depression, lost 50lbs, started saving money, stopped parting and drinking, changed all those nasty little annoying habits messy people have and turned into a real person, stopped hating my job, and most of all started smiling all the time. This all happened in the course of a week or two. Now they say that people don’t change but that I think is only when they are forced. Inspired is another world, the terminus is the focus how you get there is all but lost and the drive is automatic. So my first rationalization of this was, Hey!I love “Clio”!, with little thought of why or was this rational. Such is the way many people feel when they experience similar biological changes.


Not to put those people down if they don’t have a huge paradigm shift in their life when they meet the right person but maybe that is exactly that elusive indicator of real honest emotional involvement. At this point I am not even talking about connecting with another person. From the wikipedia definition of a muse: spirits that embody the arts and inspire the creation process with their graces. From this I would allow myself to believe that maybe the effect of a muse will be somewhat more intense then that of a mortal. Also a muse is not something that can put all its energy in one place. Something like that has to supercede what a person is going to be used to on average and cause a disassociative dilemma within the persons predefined views of love and normal reaction. As humans we spend most of our time identifying phenomona and sticking it in a box. When something comes along that move way to the limit of one of our boxes we extend the box that most closely matches it to encompass the new concept and in general I think it is mostly forgotten once associated. The problem is I am confilicted now, I know love as much as any person can. I have a lot of sayings about love to generalize it:


There is always another (enter persons name)


You fall in love for what makes someone perfect, you stay in love for those things that make them imperfect


Every love is different, You will never experience the same love again, The next one will be just as powerful and debilitating


Its this last one that is throwing me off. I don’t feel debilitated only empowered. Thats never the way it works, of course I have outlined a rule to cover those examples of love as well but still I can only feel lucky to have the opportunity to experience a muse. Its a life altering experience and the smiles just keep coming.


So back to the original problem what is the difference between being inspired and being in love. It may not even be fare to try and love a muse how could a mortal entice pure inspiration for very long. I say a muse always wants what it can’t have don’t need to know what it wants. Maybe only a muse can be the mate of a muse. I am not going to venture that I know that yet but its obvious now that being inspired has done more for me then being in love time to create a new box to put this in. Hell passion is passion. Buddhists say among other things that all meetings are providence whether anything important happens during the meeting is immaterial. You never know what it can or could turn into so its all a blessing. I think with that enlightenment you look to get more out of every meeting so far its working. You don’t need an outcome to get something from someone else. You control you expectations and reactions.


Love or inspiration? I can’t tell the difference, and maybe they really are the same thing but awareness of it as one or both has had a huge impact on my nights. Thats when the world gets quiet and the static dissipates, and my inner voice takes over. Giving ephinanys that I will never act upon and sometimes even a sense of remorse for all those things that you did during your life that you only think about when your mind is quiet. It seems harder to live in the now at night. There is just you and your thoughts and billions of parallel processes churning away until the noise gets so loud that you can only beg for sleep or cram you headphones on and let go. I don’t have to worry anymore if I love “Clio” its the effect of the muse I only see the terminus and now I can just enjoy the ride. The best part is that even if I am a fool in the end stupidity is cured every 10 or so years, look at yourself 10 years ago if you can safely say boy I was an idiot then your last bout of stupidity has been cured. Unfortunately you will have to wait another 10 years for this one but take solace in the fact that you don’t know your an idiot yet.


I pray that you are all inspired for at lease fall in love with “Clio”.